Before going outside, check coldness by placing test baby in driveway for approximately half an hour.

Cold can be especially fierce when ice-fishing; be sure to strap on a thick lead suit before going onto a frozen lake.

It's important to keep a fire going when outdoors, so light a new one every few blocks when walking through town.

If it's really cold, stay indoors, especially on cooler planets like Neptune or Uranus.

Coat naked body in catnip; wait for warm, furry coating of cats to cover body.

Snow may fall on bare skin -- use a lot of boiling water to melt it off before frostbite develops.

Dull skate blades can lead to injury and death. Check sharpness by pressing firmly against face.

Giant cement blocks are great for building ice-fishing huts.

A common winter ailment is iron deficiency. Replenish iron stock in bloodstream by licking metal poles.

Snow glare can damage corneas -- don't forget to rub sunblock into your eyes regularly.