Monday, Fifth of January: Today I will go to a party. This party will contain much food and drink for us to swallow, gulp and chug on down without puking into a fishtank containing our good host’s goldfish-guppy hybrid known as Timmy, or B.A. Baracus to his pals, for short. This story now twists, with Timmy going bad, mutating into Giant Bad Timmy, similar to Godzilla with gills, or in similar words, Mr. T. "I pity da foo’!" Timmy roars. All hail Timmy and his glorious monarchic dictatorship upon which our civilization’s foundation now stands! At this point, Timmy confronts this story’s arch-villain, Johnny DiCaprio, a hulking mutant aardvark-lion-platypus hybrid, with frog DNA (similar to animals in Jurassic Park) in his own right. Timmy roars in fury as his giant moth-wings unfurl in an intimidating display. This blatant blocking-out of our sun panicks humans around what will truly turn out as Lithuania’s (and practically our vast world’s) final all-out conflict. Johnny DiCaprio’s Hulkamania Roar, known for striking horror in all who incur its wrath, has now struck horror in Timmy, who has sadly had to incur its mighty wrath. Timmy hits back with his world-famous Running Jump-Kick to Johnny’s pulsing groin. Johnny, in a mild stupor, is now struggling to fight back, but Timmy’s attack is just too much for him, as his usually-mighty and muscular groin is thrown into a condition of total disarray, not dissimilar from that of Jackson, King of Pop. Timmy, capitalizing on this window of opportunity, now spins and throws his final assault: A flying, dual-backflipping, ultra-cranium-pounding Atomic Drop similar to that of King Kong Bundy or his wussy cohort, Randy Macho Man. Johnny, now unconscious, is thrown into a burning pit of coals and angry, rabid, hungry, wild octopi. Timmy again claims his spot as King of his glorious monarchic dictatorship upon which our civilization’s foundation still stands. All hail Timmy! Thank You, O Mighty Mutant Goldfish-Guppy Hybrid!